it has been a "culture" for us to break fast at least once during the month of Ramadhan. and after so long we did not meet(due to some unforseen shit), we so called "re-united" yesterday. it was pretty awkward for me. i somehow forgot how he looked like. it felt funny sitting in the car with him, walking beside him, having to sit in front of him during dinner, and he kept looking at me. it felt different when we held hands. even smiling was tough. and most of the time, during dinner, i felt nauseous. i almost gagged my already chewed dory fish, and those seafood platter he fed me. out of 2 of my fried dory fishes, i only managed to digest half of 1 of them. was lucky enough that i didn't puke in front of him. urgh!

after the so called "warm-up", i felt better. went to Mustaffa's to get some stuff. to keep the story short, we're fine now. Alhamdulillah.

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i tried to hold back my tears this morning while sending mama to work. she "nagged" at me about my life, about my relationship with him, about marriage. and as soon as she got out of the car, i cried my eyes out. i felt pressured. i felt stupid.

thanks mum.

4:11 PM